i may or may not be watching the land before time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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