"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
