It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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