Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He? As in you personified your dick?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
