I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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