HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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