Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
