The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
