Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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