The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
