I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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