Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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