youre lurking in front of me
i would punch a child for taco bell
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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