I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude i'm inner monologue high
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
