Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
