fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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