I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
