WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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