I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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