Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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