Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I understand Curling. That high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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