Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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