just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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