in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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