cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
