Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
