Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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