If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
