I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
