i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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