She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
