Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
