put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My penis needs a shock collar
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize