she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize