In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
