I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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