just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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