I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
