I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
