My nipple is on Facebook.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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