i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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