you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
