Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
