I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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