my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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