they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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