I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
