i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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