Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
