Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
