So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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