mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
