I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
