it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
