What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
