You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
