What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drake has all the answers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
