Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
