i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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