Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
