I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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