I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
