I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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