Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
