I think i peed on brittanys purse
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
