i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
