I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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