I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
